Are You Being Served? Forever

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Symptoms of Are You Being Served? Addiction

If you remember from years ago, one of the first things that I had on my site was the "Are You Being Served? Addiction List." I had thought it was the first list of its kind out there...then I discovered that Ganymede was there first with the similarly-themed 'You Know You've Been Watching Too Much Are You Being Served? When...' list. But we chatted and he was cool about it: his list has lots of very inside jokes, while I am trying to keep mine more superficial, so between the two of us everyone should get some enjoyment from our lists :)

Are You Being Served? Addiction is a serious thing. The need to see the show every night, the shakes that you get when you find out the show will be delayed due to pledge drives, the deep-seated fear that possibly if you don't yell at your PBS station every third day, that they just might take AYBS? off of the air...addiction to this show should not be taken lightly. We have recovery meetings at least once a week, preferably nightly but that depends on the public television station in your area.

Want to contribute the list? Send in your symptoms!

Symptoms of Are You Being Served? Addiction:

  • When someone calls out your name, you call back "I'm Free!"
  • You have an overwhelming urge to color your hair pink.
  • Any of your children are named Wilberforce or Cuthbert (double points if you are not British!)
  • You are perfecting your Cockney accent
  • You have all of the AYBS? episodes on videotape
  • You've VIDEOTAPED every episode
  • You watch videotaped episodes of AYBS? after you've just seen one on television
  • You have a Paddington bear
  • You visit web pages like this one
  • You CREATE web pages like this one
  • You add on six additional first names to your birth name
  • You are planning to physically storm your local public television station to demand that they put AYBS? back in their rotation of programs
  • When that didn't work, you relocated to another city where AYBS? was being aired on a daily basis
  • You want to work in a department store so you can say to people "Are You Being Served?, sir?"
  • You own any sort of AYBS? memorabilia (the books, the 45 record, the scripts, anything)
  • You'd rather watch AYBS? instead of Seinfeld at 11:00pm. Double points for taping Seinfeld while choosing to watch an episode of AYBS
  • You've phoned in bids on AYBS? merchandise at television auctions
  • You've offered to volunteer at your local PBS station when you learned that an AYBS? star was coming by to visit during pledge month
  • You've seen the Australian version of AYBS? (double points if you do not live in Australia)
  • You've ever posted anything to the Canteen
  • You wish John Inman was your boyfriend
  • You think Mr. Humphries would have made a wonderful Fish-eye (see Memoirs of a Fish)
  • You know most of the episode lines by heart (thanks Jennifer!)
  • British phrases (using the lift, getting sacked, quid, chatting up, etc.) start creeping into your speech. Double points if the British accent creeps in as well
  • You start referring to your cat as your pussy
  • You wish your own mother was like Mr. Humphries' mom
  • You panic when it comes down to choosing between watching a never before seen (to you) AYBS? episode and the finale of your OTHER favorite television show. Double points if AYBS? wins
  • You know which AYBS? episodes your PBS station has NOT SHOWN yet
  • You can name every haircolor Mrs. Slocombe has had
  • You can name every haircolor Mrs. Slocombe has had PLUS the episode that the specific hair color was seen in
  • You've added a symptom to this list
  • You can get drunk off of liqueur chocolates (ok, it's an inside joke)
  • You're writing/have written an AYBS? fanfic. Double points if you include yourself as a character
  • You've left your significant other because he/she/it didn't share your passion for AYBS?
  • ...and you've disowned your family as well for the same reason
  • You start adopting the personality traits of your favorite character
  • Cash register sounds have you running to see if AYBS? is on
  • You discuss AYBS? episodes during your coffee break...
  • ...and you're in trouble because someone misconstrued what you meant by Mrs. Slocombe's pussy
  • You've dressed up as your favorite AYBS? character for Halloween (double points if it WASN'T Halloween) (thanks, Michelle!)
  • You have the AYBS? Screensaver
  • You were fired because you were caught looking up AYBS sites on the Internet
  • You are planning a pilgrimage to London to meet the stars of AYBS?
  • You're a member of the AYBS? fanclub
  • You RUN the AYBS? fanclub (come on kids, didn't you see that one coming *g*)
  • You have pen pals/friends that you made through an AYBS? page
  • You know the exact order in which the cast of AYBS? appears in the closing credits...
  • ...and you've noticed that Wendy Richard/Miss Brahms usually never does anything more than smile and look cute
  • You have your computer start up with the AYBS? theme song instead of the Microsoft chime (thank you, Angela! I tried to respond but my e-mail was returned to me!)
  • You can name every floor display and the episode it appeared in
  • You've named your cat Tiddles or after any AYBS? character
  • You're watching AYBS? as you are reading this list (thanks Vern!)
  • Your screen name is also the name of your favorite AYBS? character
  • You refer to Joanna Lumley (Absolutely Fabulous, The Avengers, a Bond Girl in On Her Majesty's Secret Service) only as "that perfume chick from His and Hers"...
  • ...and Gordon Kaye ('Allo 'Allo) is "Mr. Humphries' director-friend from Closed Circuit"
  • Choosing between sex and AYBS?...I'm not going any further in that direction, kids. You answer that one yourself
  • AYBS? downloads take up about half of your hard drive's space
  • You've killed a color printer cartridge in just one week printing out pictures of Mrs. Slocombe
  • You've joined the AYBS? Mailing List
  • You've told your boss you couldn't come into work because you were taking care of a sick relative, when in reality you didn't want to miss AYBS? (reader submission, thank you!)
  • You get into trouble at work for using the scanner to scan in AYBS? pictures
    (in my defense, I did ask to use the scanner, I just didn't say what it was for *sigh*)
  • The only reason you want to own your own business is to be able to say to your employees "You've all done very well," just before you "accidentally" have a fainting spell! (another Newfoundlander infiltrates the shrine! Thanks, Melissa!)
  • You can not only identify the episode, you know it's exact title (double points), can quote lines from it AND give a summary of the plot (thank you, Paresh!)
  • You've started an AYBS Webring (attention, R.W.!)
  • You've taken to wearing a tape measure around your neck (thank you, JuneBug513!). Double points if you start taking inside leg measurements with it. Double that if the person being measured DIDN'T ask you to measure his inside leg in the first place
  • Thanks to tsbjg (no name given...yet) for the following four:

  • You can hold educated discussions about why Mr. Humphries is or is not..... you know
  • You can think of an AYBS? phrase that can be applied to almost any possible subject (i.e. - The bouncer in the pool hall is built like a brick chicken house)
  • You've made a tally of how many times each character, even the extras like the cleaning ladies, appear throughout the series
  • Even though he would be over 100 years old, you just can't understand how Harold Bennett (Young Mr. Grace) could possibly be dead
  • You pack your two cats in a truck, drive six hours to another state, unload the cats, and move in with someone just because he happens to live near a location that An Are You Being Served? cast member will be appearing at (well, that's not the only reason I moved *g*)
  • You wear the handkerchief in your top pocket in the officially approved "casual but smart" Grace Brothers style (thanks Erik!)
  • You go around telling people "...they'll ride up with wear." Double points if you say it about things that aren't clothing (thank you, Andrew!)
  • You are a member of every single AYBS mailing list, forum, and chat room that exists, no matter how big or small...
  • ...and you STILL want to start your own!
  • You schedule your social life around the nights that AYBS airs
  • To hell with the department'll take any job where you can say "Are you being served?" without people thinking you are a lunatic
  • You own anything that an AYBS cast member either: 1. created, 2. appeared in, or 3. has any connection to whatsoever (inspired by Gloria!)
  • You can sing along to the theme song: "Ground floor perfumery, stationery, and leather goods....."...
  • . ..and you get it stuck in your head all day long! (thanks, Kristen!)
  • You answer your phone at home with mucho macho deep-voiced "Men's Wear." (thank you, John!) Double points if you do it at work as well. Triple points if you don't work at a men's wear store
  • Your local PBS stations lives in fear of you because you are always on their case about not showing enough AYBS...
  • much so that they got a restraining order against you
  • You've scoured the Internet for recipes for things like Shepherd's Pie, Toad in the Hole, Rissoles and Lancashire Hot Pot, just so you can make them and eaten them while watching the show (thanks, Tony!)
  • When you excuse yourself to visit the little girls/boys room you simply state, "I must go and spend a penny" (thank you, Jessica!)
  • when someone asks, "Is everyone here?", you answer, "Yes, everyone except Mr. Humphries," then turn to a doorway expecting to see him at that moment make a grand, hilarious entrance" (from Carolann!)
  • You say "...and I am unanimous in that!" at office meetings (inspired by Susan!)
  • You know which lines go with which episodes (thanks, Bob!)
  • The scariest words in the English language to you are: "Are You Being Served? has been cancelled due to our pledge drive" (inspired by Taylor!)
  • Five from Thomas Jones:

  • You know someone who walks like Mr. Humphries..double points if you can imitate his walk...triple points if you actually walk like him in real life
  • You're neither "one way or the other"
  • You know the words to "Chanson D'Amour" by heart
  • You own a recording of "Chanson D'Amour"
  • You SUNG on the recording of "Chanson D'Amour"
    (Minki: double points if you fully understand the last three)
  • Three from Kay:

  • Your license plate has a character's name on it
  • You stop at every antique store to hunt for AYBS? dolls or at least some of the toys from the Grace Brothers' toy department (She actually bought a Daisy the Daschsund)
  • You start translating AYBS? into French, Spanish, etc.
  • When AYBS? isn't on, you've taken to watching the NBA because Dennis Rodman reminds you of Mrs. Slocombe (thank you, Yasmin!)
  • You wonder all day what in the world Ignamonious (sp) means (an inside one, from Richard!)
  • every time you go to use the restroom, whether it's in your own house or in a mall or restaurant, you start belting out songs to let everyone know it's occupied, even though there's an inside lock on the door (from the movie, thanks Gracey!)
  • You can recognize and begin reciting the episode even before the title flashes on the screen...just by the displays and extras moving about on the set. (thanks, Martha!)
  • You wear stiff, detatchable shirt collars (the carboard collars) as that's what Captain Peacock well as Mr. Humphries and Mr. Grainger on occasion. (thanks, Mitch!)
  • You switch channels from Monday night football to watch AYBS. (thanks, Keith!)
  • You think a large gap between someone's front teeth is quite sexy. (thanks, Carla!)
  • You have the theme music from Are You Being Served Again? saved on your desktop so you can listen to it at your leisure. (and thanks to Carla again!)
  • You paint your living room to look like a Grace Bros Dept. Shopping Bag. (thanks, Random!)

  • A 10-pack from TheWestWing11:

  • You've referred to your cat as your pussy.
  • You've practiced Mr. Humphries' walk.
  • You've told a group of people that they've all done very well, and then fell over for effect.
  • You've woken somebody up by asking if they're free.
  • You've complained about something at your job by looking up, and saying it was a Board decision.
  • You've purposely walked around with your ears sticking out like Mr. Rumbold's...
  • You've ever used one of Mr. Lucas' excuses to explain why you were late to work.
  • You've been an agent to your co-workers, trying to find them better jobs.
  • You've ever said "Speaking for myself, and I am unanimous in this!" when making a decision.
  • You've ever yelled out "Glass of water for Mr./Mrs..." when one of your co-workers was angry.

  • Want to add to the list?

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