Things You'd Never Hear/See at Grace Bros.

[Dear_Sexy_Knickers]

I thought this might be fun...to think of funny things, based on what we've seen of the staff and customers, that you'd be highly unlikely to ever hear (or see) at Grace Brothers.

Example:

Unlikely to ever be said by a customer in menswear:

"What an excellent fit! These sleeves are just the right length!"


A couple of others: (will have to think harder when not so sleep deprived.)

About the usual canteen food:

"This is so tasty! I simply must get the recipe so I can make it at home!"

Unlikely to be seen: Her majesty actually stopping in to buy Phillip that pair of Grace Bros. Y-fronts--plush red carpet or not! :lol:

Ok, I'm too sleepy to think any more, but I bet everyone else can come up with some clever ones! :)

[Lucas The Tucas]

Mr. Grainger ... to Mr. Humphries ... "Would you please tell our new Jr., Young Mr. Sheridan Bucket, that his lovely mother is on the telly."


:lucas01:

[larsen525]

I thought this might be fun...to think of funny things, based on what we've seen of the staff and customers, that you'd be highly unlikely to ever hear (or see) at Grace Brothers.


That's an easy one!

Young (or Old) Mr. Grace: "Starting today, the whole staff can have a 10% pay rise."

- Erik

[Greg WibblyWobbly]

:omghead:"I really am a creepy old pervert."

[Dear_Sexy_Knickers]

:peacock01:"Mr. Humphries, take all the time you need measuring that inside leg!"


"I wish more restaurants were as clean and efficient as our staff canteen!"


"Mr. Rumbold is the most competent, hard-working manager I've ever met!"

[Greg WibblyWobbly]

:humphries01: "Why can't I get you guys to realize that I am gay ???"

OR


:slochead:"When I say about my pussy, I ain't always talking about my cat."

[Lucas The Tucas]

Onslow {KUA}... coming in to buy trousers and a shirt ___ and Mr. Humphries, pushing Mr. Grainger out of the way .

So he can wait on Onslow.

----------------------------------------------------

Mr. Grainger walking by Mrs. Slocombe and telling her that she's hot.

:lucas01:

[minki]

Customer: "You were right--it does ride up with wear!"

[Lucas The Tucas]

Captain Peacock, volunteering his services one day a month to work as a sales person.


:lucas01:

[Tim]

Cpt. Peacock to Mr. Harmon or Mr. Mash:

Don't be shy! You're always welcome on our floor! In fact,
come sit with us in the canteen!

[adamclark83]

How about lovely Sue Bishop teaching an aerobics class?

[luvtrevor]

Lucas: I'm taking a vow of celibacy and becoming a monk.

[Greg WibblyWobbly]

Customer: "You were right--it does ride up with wear!"

OR

Customer - "I don't want that size 38 ... I want the "other" size 38."

[Dear_Sexy_Knickers]

Mr. Lucas to Mr. Humphries:

"Do you mind watching the counter? I want to go across and chat up Mrs. Slocombe." :eek:

[Dear_Sexy_Knickers]

ok, one more before I put the computer night-night:

"Mr. Grainger is going to lead a special training session on table manners this afternoon."

[offthefloor]

Peacock: Your all right...all I do is stand here and look snooty all day

Any member of the staff: of course you may have a refund....with interest...but off course....a gift certificate to lally and willets...why not!!!

Yardswick: I love you all....even you captain poopcock...I mean Peacock

Any member of the staff: am I free...am I free....do you see any customers around here anywhere of course I am free you bird brain.

[Melchett]

"Mrs. Slocombe, what happened to the house your Uncle gave you? We worked pretty hard on your behalf to fool him."

"Mr. Humphries, so do you know who your dad is or not? Did you know him or not?"

"Does Grace Brothers really sell monkeys in the pet department?"

"Which floor is the Gents and Ladies departments actually on? Why do we keep moving?"

"Hey, what happened to Mr. Lucas?"

[Greg WibblyWobbly]

:lucas01: "You know Mr. Humphries .... I myself like a little bum action every once and a while."

[Goldie]

:o

[Punch_N_Judy]

Any member of the staff: am I free...am I free....do you see any customers around here anywhere of course I am free you bird brain.

:)

[Greg WibblyWobbly]

Grainger - "Of course I can give you an extra 10% off sir. My commision means nothing to me."

[adamclark83]

Rumbold: I can never make any sense about anything anyone tells me.

[Captain Peacock's Carnation]

Miss Brahms: "I would like to go on a date with old jug ears sometime."

[Lucas The Tucas]

Captain Peacock ..... " Mr. Humphries and Mrs. Slocombe, will you hurry-up ?

This is the free all you can eat steak & seafood buffet, today in the canteen."


:lucas01:

[Greg WibblyWobbly]

Miss Brahms: "I would like to go on a date with old jug ears sometime."

OR

Miss Brahms - "They say bald headed men with big ears are very virile and he is the head of the department."

[Diana Yarswick]

:rumbhead:It's ok if your drawers are little off, there's bound to be a few stray pence here and there.

[Lucas The Tucas]

After your tea break, this morning Mrs. Slocombe. How about taking the rest of the day off .. with pay .. to get your roots done?


:lucas01:

[Dear_Sexy_Knickers]

Captain Peacock to Mr. Humphries:

"I really like your outfit/costume!"

[Greg WibblyWobbly]

Mrs. Slocombe saying to a male customer...

:slochead1: "You don't have to pull handle at all to get my cherries up."

[Cat_Lover]

:lol: I think her cherries would be more like watermelons. :lol:

[Greg WibblyWobbly]

:lol:

[Lucas The Tucas]

Wilberforse !

Your father is here !



:lucas01:

[Dear_Sexy_Knickers]

"Actually, Young Mr. Grace and all of those young nurses and secretaries over the years...t was all a tissue of lies. The one he truly fancies is Mr. Humphries!"
:eek:

[clockworkgirl21]

"You know Mr. Humphries .... I myself like a little bum action every once and a while."

Ooh...my...God. I will never be able to look at Mr. Lucas again without laughing.

[Greg WibblyWobbly]

Ooh...my...God. I will never be able to look at Mr. Lucas again without laughing.

Lucas finally realizes that by sitting on the fence, you really can see what grows in both gardens. :lol:

[Sir Humphries]

Captain Peacock: "Mr. Humphries, are you free?"

Mr. Humphries: "Not at the moment, Captain Peacock. I have a randy customer to service in the fitting room. I'll be back in half an hour."

Captain Peacock: "Would you mind terribly if I joined you?"

[Greg WibblyWobbly]

:eek:

[Goldie]

Captain Peacock: "Mr. Humphries, are you free?"

Mr. Humphries: "Not at the moment, Captain Peacock. I have a randy customer to service in the fitting room. I'll be back in half an hour."

Captain Peacock: "Would you mind terribly if I joined you?"


I always knew Capt. Peacock would enjoy that.. :lol:

[Melchett]

:lucas01: "You know Mr. Humphries .... I myself like a little bum action every once and a while."

This should be the quote on the welcome page of this site. Classic.

[frankdicer]

Did you hear? Mr. Mash has a second job tutoring the aristocracy in English.

Miss Brahms: I'm dying to have Mr. Lucas ask me out.

Mrs. Slocombe: I think the men's department should have the larger portion of the floor.

Captain Peacock: I really wasn't a captain you know.

Mr. Lucas: I'm tired of chasing birds...Mr. Humphries, can you teach me needlepoint?

YMG: I've fired my secretary....I need someone older.

Mr. Rumbold: Mr. Grace, you're past it.

[Greg WibblyWobbly]

Quote:
<TABLE cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=6 width="100%" border=0><TBODY><TR><TD class=alt2 style="BORDER-RIGHT: 1px inset; BORDER-TOP: 1px inset; BORDER-LEFT: 1px inset; BORDER-BOTTOM: 1px inset">Originally Posted by Greg WibblyWobbly http://minki.net/aybsforum/images/buttons/viewpost.gif (http://minki.net/aybsforum/showthread.php?p=99471#post99471)
:lucas01: "You know Mr. Humphries .... I myself like a little bum action every once and a while."
</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>
This should be the quote on the welcome page of this site. Classic.

:emotlol:
<!-- / message -->

[daft boy]

Mr Grainger writing a note to Mrs. Slocombe
Dear sexy bloomers...

[Greg WibblyWobbly]

:lol:

[clockworkgirl21]

Mr. Humphries: She's sexy.

Mrs. Slocumb: I'm sick of the "pussy" jokes. From now on, I'll just say cat.

Mr. Lucas: I'm sick of women. I'm thinking of becoming a monk.

[Goldie]

Mr. Grace behaving as a complete gentleman when it comes to the ladies.

[Greg WibblyWobbly]

Mr. Humphries: She's sexy.

Mrs. Slocumb: I'm sick of the "pussy" jokes. From now on, I'll just say cat.

Mr. Lucas: I'm sick of women. I'm thinking of becoming a monk.

:lol: :lol:

[sonosun]

Mr Grace giving everyone a rise.:)

[Greg WibblyWobbly]

Amen Bruvver Sonosun !!! :lol:

[larsen525]

Mr Grace giving everyone a rise.:)

All I can say is, "Great minds think alike"! See post #3 of this thread. ;)

- Erik

[Greg WibblyWobbly]

If you're talking Sonosun then it's more like a "sick mind". :lol:

[sonosun]

All I can say is, "Great minds think alike"! See post #3 of this thread. ;)

- Erik
Sorry about that. :oops2:

If you start thinking like me instead of me thinking like you watch out.

[Greg WibblyWobbly]

Sorry about that. :oops2:

If you start thinking like me instead of me thinking like you watch out.


:slochead:"True ...."

[Lucas The Tucas]

:ymghead: The whole lot of you are ..... Fired !

I'm replacing you with the young ladies, from the strip club. :brow:



:lucas01:

[Greg WibblyWobbly]

:ymghead: The whole lot of you are ..... Fired !

I'm replacing you with the young ladies, from the strip club. :brow:



:lucas01:

With YMG saying that I would expect to hear that one. :lol: