The "Mess With The Eps" Thread

[Tiddles]

I may move this to "Games". But for now...this is a creative exercise where you'll take an AYBS? title and change it slightly--maybe as much as one or two words or as little as one letter. In doing so, you'll also change the scope of the episode. Have fun with it and get as kooky as you like. Do as many as you want.....no restrictions! Here's a few to get you started:

Germ Week: An effort is made to improve the sanitation in the canteen with the hiring of a sexy new Canteen Manageress from Berlin, Miss Bustenhalter.

Fifty Years Off: Mrs. Slocombe goes to Hollywood and gets special treatment from Dr. 90210. She looks like a teenager again ...but only from the neck up!

[Diana Yarswick]

A Personnel Problem: All heck breaks loose when Cpt. Peacock can't keep his cold hands of the female staff, causing Mr Rumbold to relegate him to mens room assistant.

[Greg WibblyWobbly]

"A Change Is As Good As A Test" - Grace Brothers new insurance company is forcing the staff to undergo urine test for drugs. Mr. Rumbold (the pill popping hypocondriac) is in fear of losing his job to a hot pee test that he goes from staff member to staff member trying to persuade one of them to "top the bottle off" for him.

[sonosun]

:emotlol:


You've all done very well!:ymghead:

[Melchett]

"Is It Catching On?"

Episode is redone, and this time it's good!

(Sorry, couldn't resist)

[girlfriendofmrlucas]

"The Erotic Dreams of Mr. Mash" Mr. Mash has fallen in love with Mrs. Slocombe- does he have the tact and charm to seduce her?"

[Tiddles]

These were great! :lol:

[Melchett]

"Unhappy Returns"

Grace Brothers institutes a new "no questions asked" return policy on all merchandise in order to increase sales. However, this scheme quickly backfires as return lines stretch to the elevators, leaving Mr. Humphries to declare, "I'm not free!"

[Tiddles]

Flounder's Day: The staff object to the canteen meals of off-putting pilchard and stale seafood salad, and demand more tasty fish dishes for lunch.

Horah For The Holidays: The staff gets to attend Mr. Goldberg's niece's Bat Mitzvah across the pond in Queens, New York, where they dance the horah wearing lederhosen. :shrug:

Forwarned, Mr. Grainger: Tired of Mr. Grainger's testy personality, the staff stages an intervention. Either he shapes up, or he takes his pork pie and his gastrics and he ships out.

[Diana Yarswick]

Top Hat and Pails: A Japanese man is tricked into joining the staff dance competition. Clearly the best dancer, he falls victim to some misplaced galvanized buckets. :dan:

Conductor Unbecoming: To supplement his income, Lucas has been working on the night buses and has a spot of trouble staying alert at the store.:sleepingsmiley:

Roots?: Mrs Slocombe can't recall her original hair colour and must forfeit an inheritance based on her great uncle's eccentric will. :slocombehair:

[Greg WibblyWobbly]

"Is It Catching On?"

Episode is redone, and this time it's good!

(Sorry, couldn't resist)

:emotlol:

[Greg WibblyWobbly]

Boots? - The staff is forced to deal with the shoe department moving in on their floor and with Young Mr. Grace being a major shareholder with a boot company, the staff has to come up with a good way to push them. In turn they stage a musical number in which they wear boots from around the world to attract customers.

[offthefloor]

The Old Odor Changes: once again forced to hawk scent the staff decide to all wear a different perfume and invite the customers to smell them.,,,but the idea goes south when a number of customers complain about mr humphries asking male customers to sniff him in the inside leg areas.

[minki]

Christmas Quackers: a flock of geese flying south for the winter makes an emergency landing at Grace Brothers

Hoots?: Fresh off of his American tour, Mr. Grace implements a new staff uniform that seems to have been inspired from his visit to Hooters.

[sonosun]

You've all done very well!:lol:

[Tiddles]

Very funny stuff indeed! :lol:

[offthefloor]

Heir Unapperent: the staff become excited when Mr. Rumbolds brother thinks one of them may be related to mr. grace....until they discover its not their mr. grace...but a man living in a banana crate by the thames

Do you take this man or woman?: the staff hold an auction to raise money for the store...offering themselves up for dates to the customers or fellow employees...until mrs.peacock finds out and wrecks the department after finding out miss. belfridge has purchased stephen...

oh what a tangled web: The new shipment of spiders to the pet department escape onto the ledies and gents floor and the staff must come up with a way to rid themselves of the 8 legged creatures

lost and well...lost: Mr. Graingers memory is going and he thinks he is a boy again...much to the displeasure of the staff as he begins setting off stink bombs everywhere

[frankdicer]

ALL ARE SOOOOO GOOOOD!!!! :) Great Job Everyone!!!


The Hero-shima (Hiroshima): Captain Peacock's bad command of the Japanese language
lands the store in trouble of nuclear proportions when he inadvertently insults a
Japanese dignitaries wife. Face must be saved when Captain Peacock is challenged to
a samurai duel.

Polish Week: Confusion reigns as the letter zed runs amok (i.e. amuck) during a sale geared toward selling polish goods.

Fire Escape: Sparks and rumors fly as Mrs. Slocombe's favorite "make-out" location is discovered!!!

Strong Stuff This Flatulence: Trouble on the floor after Mr. Grace buys some questionable cabbage and then forces the Canteen to serve it for every meal.
The Staff deals the the situation with impeccable "fartitude".

The Drink Tank: The next door Pub becomes the in place for staff/management meetings...That is until someone demonstrates a problem with tooo much
Drink....

The Hand of Nate: New jr jr assistance Nathaniel Laughpin starts in the gents dept....suddenly things start going missing. Hmmmm!

Big Bother: Same story just different title.

Cold Sore: Its killing Mr. Lucas. He has to lay off the birds because of a big ugly looking cold sore.

[Dear_Sexy_Knickers]

Forwarned, Mr. Grainger: Tired of Mr. Grainger's testy personality, the staff stages an intervention. Either he shapes up, or he takes his pork pie and his gastrics and he ships out.

Bwhahahahaha!!!! Now that's an episode I would've *loved* to see!

All of these had me laughing painfully hard, and when I got to "Strong Stuff This Flatulence" I actually snorted.:emotlol:

You've all done very well and should look for a little extra in your pay packets this week. :D

Another one using the original title, but a much different situation:

"Oh what a tangled web:"
The men's and ladies' departments are forced to hold a special week-long blowout of knitting and crochet goods on their floor.As the big week approaches, Mrs. Slocombe happily plans to give demos on how to make all your own jumpers and bedspreads.
But anger ensues when customers discover that Grace Brothers did not buy sufficient quantities of the same dye lot, :eek: and the needles and hooks start flying.
Due to his usual mismanagment of any kind of fracas on the floor, Rumbold finds himself on the sharp end of an only lady's knitting needle, Mr. Humprhies finds himself entagled with an attractive male knitter in the cloak room, Grainger gets knocked on the head with a giant size 50 needle and as a result, he can finally understand what people are telling him and stops acting so senile, and Miss Brahms is finally able to unload all of those Princess Margaret Rose Crochet Berets.

:roll: :roll:

[Dear_Sexy_Knickers]

"Toots?"
An unpleasant "broken wind" smell has been wafting through the floor. Suspicion immediately falls on Mr. Grainger due to his history of setting off stink bombs and his gastrics. In an effort to clear the air, as it were, as well as his name, Mr. Grainger goes undercover to discover the true culprit. Eventually the scent trail leads him to the true source of the whole big gas...the rancid cabbage soup being served by the canteen for the past four days.

"The Real Big Brother"
As it happened originally, YMG is preparing to hand over the reins to his brother, Old Mr. Grace. Only this time when he introduces his older brother to everyone, we actually believe it. :roll:

similar title:

"My Big Brother"
The rumor that has been going on for years, "Old Mr. Grace doesn't get about much these days," turns out to have been started by none other than Young Mr. Grace himself, in an effort to cover up a falling out they had years ago. Due to an incident involving one of YMG's secretaries back in the early days of the store, the brothers stopped speaking and OMG was cut off from the family fortune.
Finally, Young Mr. Grace decides to let bygones be bygones and make up with his brother, who turns out to be the ancient "Mr. Wagstaff"!

"Heir-to which parent?"
The reason for the falling out between Young and Old Mr. Grace (see above,) is finally revealed. It turns out it all started because both brothers were carrying on with YMG's first secretary. Unbeknownst to them, she ended up in the pudding club. Leaving in disgrace, not knowing which brother had fathered her child, she gives birth to a baby girl who she calls Rachel, before giving her up for adoption, to be raised by her cousins, the Yiddels.
The bad feelings between the brothers are revived, neither wanting to claim Mrs. Slocombe as their child--until it finally is revealed that her true father is actually the man who was head of packing and maintenace back then. (Hopefully that wasn't Mr. Mash, SR. :eek: )

Furthermore, Sue Bishop's character (since she doesn't have a name) is revealed to be the child resulting from Mr. Grainger's affair with the girl from Haberdashery 25 years ago. :D

Hair Apparent:
Mrs. Slocombe has developed a very noticeable facial hair problem, and nobody knows how to approach the suject with her. The staff tries various subtle approaches, including trying to drop hints to her during lunch in the canteen. She pretends not to notice, until a comment by Mr. Harman causes her to break down and tell all. The facial hair is a result of her experiments at home using her secret ingredient X. This time she'd tried to create a line of botanical face cream, but it turned out to be much less successful than her perfume, as evidenced by her facial hair growth. Even worse, she says, is that she accidentally dropped some on her pussy, and now its fur is as multi-colored as her own coiffure.

A Change is as good as a breast:
Tired of rude comments implying that she is old and no longer attractive, Mrs. Slocombe decides it's time to revamp her image. She comes to work wearing a Kilamanjaro range push-up bra, and a very low-cut top, with astonishing results. Mr. Grainger is rendered temporarily blind, Mr. Lucas ends up in hospital, and Captain Peacock slips her a note asking her to meet him behind the bandstand at 5:30 so they can pitch a little woo! :eek:

[Tiddles]

Very clever and creative!! Thanks for playing!

[Greg WibblyWobbly]

"Toots?"
An unpleasant "broken wind" smell has been wafting through the floor. Suspicion immediately falls on Mr. Grainger due to his history of setting off stink bombs and his gastrics. In an effort to clear the air, as it were, as well as his name, Mr. Grainger goes undercover to discover the true culprit. Eventually the scent trail leads him to the true source of the whole big gas...the rancid cabbage soup being served by the canteen for the past four days.

"The Real Big Brother"
As it happened originally, YMG is preparing to hand over the reins to his brother, Old Mr. Grace. Only this time when he introduces his older brother to everyone, we actually believe it. :roll:

similar title:

"My Big Brother"
The rumor that has been going on for years, "Old Mr. Grace doesn't get about much these days," turns out to have been started by none other than Young Mr. Grace himself, in an effort to cover up a falling out they had years ago. Due to an incident involving one of YMG's secretaries back in the early days of the store, the brothers stopped speaking and OMG was cut off from the family fortune.
Finally, Young Mr. Grace decides to let bygones be bygones and make up with his brother, who turns out to be the ancient "Mr. Wagstaff"!

"Heir-to which parent?"
The reason for the falling out between Young and Old Mr. Grace (see above,) is finally revealed. It turns out it all started because both brothers were carrying on with YMG's first secretary. Unbeknownst to them, she ended up in the pudding club. Leaving in disgrace, not knowing which brother had fathered her child, she gives birth to a baby girl who she calls Rachel, before giving her up for adoption, to be raised by her cousins, the Yiddels.
The bad feelings between the brothers are revived, neither wanting to claim Mrs. Slocombe as their child--until it finally is revealed that her true father is actually the man who was head of packing and maintenace back then. (Hopefully that wasn't Mr. Mash, SR. :eek: )

Furthermore, Sue Bishop's character (since she doesn't have a name) is revealed to be the child resulting from Mr. Grainger's affair with the girl from Haberdashery 25 years ago. :D

Hair Apparent:
Mrs. Slocombe has developed a very noticeable facial hair problem, and nobody knows how to approach the suject with her. The staff tries various subtle approaches, including trying to drop hints to her during lunch in the canteen. She pretends not to notice, until a comment by Mr. Harman causes her to break down and tell all. The facial hair is a result of her experiments at home using her secret ingredient X. This time she'd tried to create a line of botanical face cream, but it turned out to be much less successful than her perfume, as evidenced by her facial hair growth. Even worse, she says, is that she accidentally dropped some on her pussy, and now its fur is as multi-colored as her own coiffure.

A Change is as good as a breast:
Tired of rude comments implying that she is old and no longer attractive, Mrs. Slocombe decides it's time to revamp her image. She comes to work wearing a Kilamanjaro range push-up bra, and a very low-cut top, with astonishing results. Mr. Grainger is rendered temporarily blind, Mr. Lucas ends up in hospital, and Captain Peacock slips her a note asking her to meet him behind the bandstand at 5:30 so they can pitch a little woo! :eek:

:emotlol:I pee'd myself when I was reading these !!! You've done very well DSK !!!

[Melchett]

:emotlol:I pee'd myself when I was reading these !!!

No glass of water for Mr. WibblyWobbly.

[offthefloor]

A change is as good as a test: Mr. Grace has issued a new policy in the store, the staff must all have a certain IQ Level in order to be employed at his store. The staff think its going to be a piece of cake...Until they learn only 3 people in the entire store have achieved the necessary score(including...to their amazement....miss hurst) and they all decide to cheat....that is until daft Rumbold lets the cat out of the bag to Mr. Grace who fires them anyway...luckily after seeing the storewide results he rehires them all....with a huge cut in pay of course :D

it is catching: The store wide flu epidemic has struck the ladies and gents department and everyone except mrs. slocombe mr. grainger have fallen victum. things go crazy when Grainger is accused of sexually assaulting a female customer while fitting her for a bra when mrs. slocombe went to spend a penny and ends up with a cake smashed over his head....again :lol:, while mrs. slocombe absolutely refuses to measure any part of a man below his waist

The erotic dreams of mr. humphries:
same story line as erotic dreams of Mrs. Slocombe except they are in opposite positions in the problem

Her figure is slipping: tired of the wise cracks about her weight and looks, Mrs. Slocombe goes under the knife and comes back looking suspiciously identical to dolly parton...

[Greg WibblyWobbly]

No glass of water for Mr. WibblyWobbly.

:lol: :lol:

[frankdicer]

Pilot 2 Co-Pilot: Chuck Yeager shows up a GB and offers to help our Mr. Humphries
"break the sound barrier"........

[Greg WibblyWobbly]

:lol: sounds painful .....

[Eva]

The Hand of Weight: Mr. Humphries palm reading skills somehow discover Mrs. Slocombes age and weight, and she must try and find away to distract him before he tells the entire staff of Ladies and Menswear.

Hip to Hip: In Young Mr. Graces Wisdom, he decides the staff need to become closer , so he attatches them with belts to the hip, but when Mr. Rumbold loses the keys to the bolts on the belt they all must stay late to look for them.

It Doesn't Pay To Advertise: When Mrs. Slocombe finally gets fed up of not being able to find a new husband, she decides to advertise in a saucy mens magazine, using a picture of her head and Miss Brahms body. When a famous film star falls in love with the body, she must find a way to get out of her forthcoming date.

I'm not that creative, so they're a bit boring. Sorry.

[Tiddles]

Not boring...very cute! Thanks for participating!

[Greg WibblyWobbly]

:lol:

[Punch_N_Judy]

lost and well...lost: Mr. Graingers memory is going and he thinks he is a boy again...much to the displeasure of the staff as he begins setting off stink bombs everywhere

"Toots?"
An unpleasant "broken wind" smell has been wafting through the floor. Suspicion immediately falls on Mr. Grainger due to his history of setting off stink bombs and his gastrics. In an effort to clear the air, as it were, as well as his name, Mr. Grainger goes undercover to discover the true culprit. Eventually the scent trail leads him to the true source of the whole big gas...the rancid cabbage soup being served by the canteen for the past four days.

A Personnel Problem: All heck breaks loose when Cpt. Peacock can't keep his cold hands of the female staff, causing Mr Rumbold to relegate him to mens room assistant.

Ok, I want to see those:)

I love all of these :)

[frankdicer]

Get Up Captain Peacock!
Captain Peacock's bout with narcolepsy leads to strange happenings on the floor as
he frequently falls asleep at his post.

The Car Club...Mr. Humphries and Mr. Lucas decide to buy a car together. They both figure it'll help them pull. Word spreads and even people like Captain Peacock and Mr. Rumbold are interested in taking a pull, uh spin.

Our Trusses are slipping...Hernias all around for the men's dept as they try to prepare
for a weigh lifting competition....(yea, right!)

The Stink Tank....the gang gets together but only get REALLY bad ideas (kinda like writing this.... )

The Fatter Christmas Affair: staffers all start putting on weight due to all the
Christmas goodies being brought to the store.

[Tiddles]

The Fatter Christmas Affair: staffers all start putting on weight due to all the
Christmas goodies being brought to the store.

:lol: Followed up by "Our Trusses Are Slipping"??

[wrm1701]

The Punching Betty Affair - Tired of Mrs. Slocombe taking all the sales, Ms Brahms gets her revenge.

Forward Mr. Lucas - Mr Grace decides to promote Mr. Lucas to department manager - Captain Peacock and Mrs. Slocombe are fit to be tied.

Cajun Week - Cockney Vs Cajun Oy Vey!

[Greg WibblyWobbly]

The Punching Betty Affair - Tired of Mrs. Slocombe taking all the sales, Ms Brahms gets her revenge.

Forward Mr. Lucas - Mr Grace decides to promote Mr. Lucas to department manager - Captain Peacock and Mrs. Slocombe are fit to be tied.

Cajun Week - Cockney Vs Cajun Oy Vey!


:lol: Good ones !!! I would have loved to see the "Forward Mr. Lucas" one.

[sonosun]

:lol: Good ones !!! I would have loved to see the "Forward Mr. Lucas" one.

Lucas would actually suceed. In an Economy move Lucas has Captain Peacock carry a broom and dustpan at all times to keep the Department floors clean thus freeing the Cleaning Ladies for other work.
He sends the Ladies and Gentlemen of his Department to Lunch at different times leaving the Department open for business thus increasing revenues.
One drawback causes Mr Lucas to step down from his superior position. Miss Brahms says she would absolutley never go out with her Boss.:)

[Greg WibblyWobbly]

One drawback causes Mr Lucas to step down from his superior position. Miss Brahms says she would absolutley never go out with her Boss.:)

Oh yes she would. She loves men of power and she would also know that she had Lucas in the palm of her hand. She seduces Lucas and gets him to place her over Slocombe in the Woman's Department. Which causes Slocombe to do her damndest to win over Lucas.

[sonosun]

Oh yes she would. She loves men of power and she would also know that she had Lucas in the palm of her hand. She seduces Lucas and gets him to place her over Slocombe in the Woman's Department. Which causes Slocombe to do her damndest to win over Lucas.

That would have to be hilarious. You think Mr Humphries was shying away from Mrs Slocombe wait'll you see Lucas' antics to get out of her clutches.

[Greg WibblyWobbly]

The Poop Star - Grainger has a bad bout of gastric trouble so the staff are forced to get out the mop and buckets and plenty of Oust.

[Lucas The Tucas]

Grace Brothers, sells Mrs. Slocombe's, marmalade and prefume.

__________________________________________________ _______


And one week a month, they let Miss Brahms go to Men's Wear and Mr. Lucas goes to Ladies' Wear.


:lucas01:

[Lucas The Tucas]

From Friends and Neighbors ...

They live out of the apartments, during the week.



:lucas01:

[Tiddles]

The Poop Star - Grainger has a bad bout of gastric trouble so the staff are forced to get out the mop and buckets and plenty of Oust.

:lol: Very good! How about:

The CROCK: Kitchenware is now pushing the new Grace Brothers Crock Pot. Cooks a Lancashire Hot Pot in only 48 hours. Of course Mrs. Slocombe is seriously late for work....

Fifty Beers On: Mrs. Slocombe is found in the new Gourmet Drinks Department sitting on a pile of empty lager bottles and singing "Whatever Lola wants....LOLA GETS!!"

Do You Take This Fan?: It's summertime and Grace Brothers is giving away free portable fans for all ladies over 50! Watch the fun as people hurry while supplies BLAST!

Happy Returns: For the first time in Grace Brothers history, people are permitted to return defective merchandise with no lip, guff, flimsy excuses, lies, or risk of being called piggy eyed with a pimple on their nose.

[sonosun]

Very good Tiddles.

[Greg WibblyWobbly]

Happy Returns: For the first time in Grace Brothers history, people are permitted to return defective merchandise with no lip, guff, flimsy excuses, lies, or risk of being called piggy eyed with a pimple on their nose.

This one here could have made a great eppy. One day each year, the customers can return their merchandise without explaination and the staff must smile and deal with it. The only problem is that with each return, the staff finds it harder and harder to keep their tempers and their mouths shut because the staff realizes that each time that something is returned that they sold it comes off of their bonuses.

[sonosun]

Very Good. "Many Unhappy Returns":shrug:

[offthefloor]

This one here could have made a great eppy. One day each year, the customers can return their merchandise without explaination and the staff must smile and deal with it. The only problem is that with each return, the staff finds it harder and harder to keep their tempers and their mouths shut because the staff realizes that each time that something is returned that they sold it comes off of their bonuses.


And..since so many customers return things....the store goes broke and they all get fired and end up sharing a Banana box by the thames :lol:

[Tim]

New Lock - Mr. Harman miscommunicates with a locksmith and all doors end up rekeyed, so that on a Monday morning, the entire staff is stood standing outside on the front steps, and the only way in is to scale the building, and crawl into a ventilation shaft.

[Tim]

Hiss and Hers - A snake from the Pet Department is on the loose! And on the same day as Mrs. Slocombe's pussy was hidden in the fitting room!

Cramping In - The canteen serves nothing but beans all week, and the staff are contorting themselves to avoid repelling customers. Closets, drawers, and various other hiding spots are frequented with some surprising encounters. Captain Peacock agrees to turn a blind eye to extra trips to the loo.

Five Practice -- new name for "Fifty Years On" with painfully expanded "Happy Birthday to You" segment

No Salt - Grainger loses his blood pressure medication while subbing for Rumbold. Feeling like he's going to explode, he dictates that there be no salt in any canteen cooking. Staff resort to sneaking in packets.

Hire A Parent - A group package holiday for the staff coincides with an overshipment of goods! The only way to shift the stock is for Mr. Grace to offer a premium to workers who convince their family members to sub for them during that week. Mr. Lucas' ailing mother gets an earful from Mrs. Humphries.

Gambling Fiver - Peacock exchanges his pay packet for all fivers, so he can say he only bet a fiver....over and over and over.

A Chance is as Good as a Vest -- a rumor is started that the manufacturer of men's vests had several distributed with money sewn into the pockets. Word spreads, and vests are soon sold out, only to be returned in droves as customers mob the store. A wise investment?

Roost? -- A large door was left open over the weekend and the store is transformed into an apiary, with birds, and their deposits, everywhere!

[Greg WibblyWobbly]

Good ones Tim !!!! :thumbup:


And..since so many customers return things....the store goes broke and they all get fired and end up sharing a Banana box by the thames

The one with the chimney ??? :emotlol:

[John Inman Fan]

"Camping Out"-Mr. Lucas has to sleep outside the store for the night since he keeps teasing Miss Brahms and Mr. Grainger.

"His and His"-Mr. Grainger takes over the whole floor and keeps it that way for a month.

"Hot Store"-The staff have to deal with a massive heat wave with no Air Conditioning in the store and take turns dipping in the fountain with jumping fish.