George Carlin - Bad American and Loving It !!!!

[Greg WibblyWobbly]

Gotta love Carlin !!!!!! :lol2:


I Am Your Worst Nightmare. I am a BAD American. I am George Carlin.

I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some mid level governmental functionary be it Democratic or Republican!

I'm in touch with my feelings and I like it that way, damn it!

I think owning a gun doesn't make you a killer, it makes you a smart American.

I think being a minority does not make you noble or victimized, and does not entitle you to anything.

I believe that if you are selling me a Big Mac, try to do it in English.

I think fireworks should be legal on the 4th of July.

I think that being a student doesn't give you any more enlightenment than working at Blockbuster. In fact, if your parents are footing the bill to put your pansy ass through 4 years plus of college, you haven't begun to be enlightened.

I believe everyone has a right to pray to his or her God when and where they want to.

My heroes are John Wayne, Babe Ruth, Roy Rogers, and whoever canceled Jerry Springer.

I don't hate the rich. I don't pity the poor.

I know wrestling is fake and I don't waste my time arguing about it.

I think global warming is a big lie. Where are all those experts now, when I'm freezing my ass off during these long winters and paying, paying, paying?

I've never owned a slave, or was a slave, I didn't wander forty years In the desert after getting chased out of Egypt. I haven't burned any witches or been persecuted by the Turks and neither have you! So, shut-the-Hell-up already.

I want to know which church is it exactly where the Reverend Jesse Jackson practices, where he gets his money, and why he is always part of the problem and not the solution. Can I get an AMEN on that one?
(AMEN !!!)
I think the cops have every right to shoot your sorry ass if you're running from them.

I also think they have the right to pull your ass over if you're breaking the law, regardless of what color you are.

And, no, I don't mind having my face shown on my drivers license. I think it's good.....and I'm proud that "God" is written on my money. I think if you are too stupid to know how a ballot works, I don't want you deciding who should be running the most powerful nation in the world for the next four years.

I dislike those people standing in the intersections trying to sell me crap or trying to guilt me into making "donations" to their cause. These people should be targets.

I believe that it doesn't take a village to raise a child, it takes two parents.

And what the hell is going on with gas prices... again?

If this makes me a BAD American, then yes, I'm a BAD American.

[Very Young Mr Grace]

Excellent !!!!!

[sonosun]

Amen Bruvver George!!

[wolf_fire186]

I do love Carlin and since you started a thread greg, here's one I found.


GEORGE CARLIN'S VIEWS ON AGING

Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging you think in fractions.

"How old are you?" "I'm four and a half!" You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half going on five!

That's the key.

You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.

"How old are you?" "I'm gonna be 16!" You could be 13, but hey, you're gonna be 16! And then the greatest day of your life...you become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony...YOU BECOME 21...YESSSS!!!

But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk. He TURNED 30! We had to throw him out. There's no fun now. You're just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed?

You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40.

Whoa! Put on the brakes, it's all slipping away. Before you know it you REACH 50...and your dreams are gone.

But wait!!! You MAKE it to 60. You didn't think you would!

So you BECOME 21,TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60.

You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday!

You get into your 80s and everyday is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime.

And it doesn't end there. Into the 90s you start going backwards; "I was JUST 92."

Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. "I'm a hundred and a half!"

May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!




DATE OF BIRTH-5/12/1937 Born in New York, New York

[Greg WibblyWobbly]

Gotta love Carlin !!! Thanks for that bit WF !!!!

[Brad]

Not long ago,I paid $150 for a ticket 3 rows back dead center to watch Carlin.WOW,did I waste my money!I was laughing so hard I missed half of the show.Carlin is as fresh now as he was when he started his standup career.

Good stuff

Brad

[wolf_fire186]

I had the chance to see him last year, but I messed it up. I can just picture the expressions on his face while he is doing his bit!

[Tiddles]

George rocks....been watching him for about 30 years now. I love his honest and irreverant humor. I love his decision to become...a Sun Worshipper! From George Carlin's book "Napalm & Silly Putty" (2001; Hyperion Press)


Every day, I can see the sun as it gives me everything I need: heat, light, food, flowers in the park, reflections on the lake. An occasional skin cancer, but, hey! At least there are no crucifixions. And we sun worshippers don?t go around killing other people simply because they don?t agree with us.

Sun worship is fairly simple. There?s no mystery, no miracles, no pageantry, no one asks for money, there are no songs to learn, and we don?t have a special building where we all gather once a week to compare clothing. And the best thing about the sun? it never tells me I?m unworthy. It doesn?t tell me I?m a bad person who needs to be saved. Hasn?t said an unkind word. Treats me fine.

Praying on My Mind

So I worship the sun. But I don?t pray to the sun. You know why? Because I wouldn?t presume on our friendship. It?s not polite. I?ve often thought people treat God rather rudely. Trillions and trillions of prayers every day, asking and pleading and begging for favors. ?Do this; give me that; I need this; I want that.? And most of this praying takes place on Sunday, his day off! It?s not nice, and it?s no way to treat a friend.


:D

[Mr. Harmon]

I loved Carlin back in the '60's :D

I remember a routine he did on Carson that I NEVER forgot, which Time Life Video is now offering on "The Best of Carson" (and it's a wierd sensation to see the memories of your childhood for sale through Time Life Video, being discussed in your teenagers History class, or being played instrumentally in an Elevator).

Anyway, Carlin was doing a routine as a Hippy Weatherman :D He said "Looking at the radar we see a few clouds moving this way and it looks like it's going to rain most of the day tomorrow.

But since our radar is also tracking 15 inbound Soviet ICBM's I don't think I'd worry too much about the rain" :mrgreen:

On a side note, I will admit that getting older has it's fun side too. I love the looks on the faces of teenagers when you explain that the Bohemian Rhapsody was Queen's first hit in the US in October of 1975, and NOT cut and released specificly for the movie Wayne's World. :D

[Greg WibblyWobbly]

On a side note, I will admit that getting older has it's fun side too. I love the looks on the faces of teenagers when you explain that the Bohemian Rhapsody was Queen's first hit in the US in October of 1975, and NOT cut and released specificly for the movie Wayne's World. :D

:lol2: :lol2:

[minki]

I LOVE George Carlin! I love the routine about how he's going to balance the budget...which I can't reprint here because it's not for all ages. But man, it's great stuff :lol:

[Tiddles]

George recently went (back?) into rehab. So at least he's got a handle on his personal vices. I hope this time it's for good. Here's his website. It contains adult language and themes. If you're under 18 or a prude, don't read it. :lol: http://www.georgecarlin.com/home/home.html

[wolf_fire186]

Thanks loads for the link Tids. I'm no prude so I'll be checking it out later. :mrgreen:

[sonosun]

I have been trying to remember the name of the children's show in which George played a little bitty train conductor. It might have been Thomas the Tank Engine.

[lovepink]

I think that George Carlin is very funny.

[sonosun]

I have been trying to remember the name of the children's show in which George played a little bitty train conductor. It might have been Thomas the Tank Engine.

It just came to me . The name of the children's program is Shining Time Station.

[lovepink]

Yes it was a wonderful show when they had it on pbs.

[John Inman Fan]

Just noticed that the Bad American post earlier in this thread was not written by George Carlin:

http://www.georgecarlin.com/home/bogus.html

I've gotten a lot of emails from friends with what I initially thought was George Carlin's material and it most likely isn't now that I've seen this page. Some of the posts are pretty convincing that it would come from him.

Weird!

Marlies

[Greg WibblyWobbly]

It's still funny as Hell !!!! :lol: :lol: